


The Spork Is Mightier Than The Sword

by SociallyUnacceptableOrb



Series: Kirbyposting [3]
Category: Hoshi no Kaabii | Kirby: Right Back at Ya!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - High School, Blame Das Sporking, Chatting & Messaging, Crack Treated Seriously, Fic More Meta Than Meta Knight Himself, In Medias Res, In-Universe RPF, M/M, OOC For Comedy, Satire, Story within a Story, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-24 21:45:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16183790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SociallyUnacceptableOrb/pseuds/SociallyUnacceptableOrb
Summary: The GSA quartet decides to host a charity stream, and Garlude has the perfect subject material to talk about.





	The Spork Is Mightier Than The Sword

**Author's Note:**

> This counts as a Halloween fic, right? Quick warning for in-universe discussions and depictions of abuse for shock content, it's the "chapter" after Garlude and Yamikage go to get milkshakes.

_Yamikage has joined_

**Grape fruit:**  hey! yami’s here!

 **Grape fruit:**  welcome to the stream, man.

 **Yamikage:**  What the fuck is that username, Meta Knight.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:** What’s wrong with it?

 **Yamikage:**  Nothing. Except everything.

 **Yamikage:**  It’s like you’re a teenage girl who just found out what screamo music is.

 **Grape fruit:**  guys.

 **Grape fruit:**  ease up on the swearing. we’ve got kids watching us.

 **Yamikage:**  They’re about to learn some new words.

_Yamikage has changed their name to “Shadowy Shinobi”_

**xxMetaKnightxx:** Oh, yes. Clearly, I’m the emotionally disturbed teenage girl here.

 **Shadowy Shinobi:**  Why did you even invite me to partake in this bullshit?

 **Shadowy Shinobi:**  Isn’t it bad enough that I have to deal with you pussies in real life, too?

 **xxMetaKnightxx:** Watch your language.

 **Shadowy Shinobi:**  Fucking priss.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:** Heathen.

 **Shadowy Shinobi:**  Goody-goody.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:** Backstabber.

 **Shadowy Shinobi:**  Borb.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:** Rotten carrot.

 **Shadowy Shinobi:**  Blueberry.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:** Masashi **.**

 **Shadowy Shinobi:**  Prince Lyzander Valero de Todo la Estrellas.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:** I’m not sure whether to be offended or impressed that you remembered all that **.**

_knightlight has joined_

**Grape fruit:**  fellas, you can quit measuring your wieners anytime.

 **knightlight:**  yo what’d i miss

_Shadowy Shinobi has changed their name to “In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be”_

**Grape fruit:**  okay, very funny. change yami’s username back.

 **knightlight:**  chief i literally just got here i ain’t touched it

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Why did you think he changed it?

 **Grape fruit:**  …

 **Grape fruit:**  sweet baby nova.

 **Grape fruit:**  alright.

 **Grape fruit:**  so everyone’s here?

 **knightlight:**  yep

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Regrettably.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Yes.

 **Grape fruit:**  great! then let’s get this show on the road.

 **Grape fruit:** our main event comes to us from SusieOhSusanna, a self-proclaimed “spicy RPF queen”.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  RPF?

 **Grape fruit:**  real-person fiction.

 **knightlight:**   oh no

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Oh no.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Oh no.

 **Grape fruit:**  oh no.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  ABOUT US?!

 **knightlight:**  how does that even work

 **Grape fruit:**  we’re about to find out.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  I want to die.

 **knightlight:**  why is it garlude that always finds this shit

 **knightlight:**  always garlude

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** If there’s anything sexual in this, I’ll break a broom handle in your frontal lobe.

 **Grape fruit:**  it’s rated T.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** That doesn’t mean anything.

 **knightlight:**  “Yamikage is a tortured soul, stuck between his uber-controlling boyfriend and teachers who just don’t understand. Life seems hopeless until a certain blonde-haired savior comes into his life. But will he ever be brave enough to confess his feelings? Hurt/Comfort slash with a side of gratuitous Yami whump. Be sure to R&R!”

 **knightlight:**  i take it back i wanna see this train wreck slam into the ocean

 **knightlight:**  yeehaw

 **Grape fruit:**  i don’t.

 **knightlight:**  too bad

 **knightlight:**  you opened this can of worms now lie in it

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  I can’t believe you’re backing out so soon.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Have you read it already?

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** I just looked up the meaning of whump. Can I die instead?

 **Grape fruit:** no, i’m going in blind. we’re all suffering together as a unit.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Fuck.

 **knightlight:**  UNIT

* * *

An Introduction to Our Main Cast

  * Yamikage: 17, Shy and introverted ninja-in-training.
  * Jecra: 17, Hunky jock with a heart of gold.
  * Meta Knight: 18, Cruel class president and chess master.
  * Garlude: 16, Spunky party girl and Yamikage’s BFF.
  * Arthur: 18, Garlude’s boyfriend.
  * Galahad: 16, Tech geek and Jecra’s best pal.



* * *

**Grape fruit:** wow.

 **Grape fruit:** just wow.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Wait, is that the entire chapter?

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  How many chapters does this thing have?

 **Grape fruit:** fifteen.

 **knightlight:**  oh my god artie’s going to lose it if he sees this

 **Grape fruit:** so’s lancelot.

 **Grape fruit:** wait, do you mean the us dating dating part, or the whole thing?

 **knightlight:**  both

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Who the fuck is Jecra?

 **knightlight:**  a literal translation of my full name into universal code

 **knightlight:**  in this case he’s my chaotic good jock alter-ego

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Follow-up question: How do you get “Jecra” from “Jackal?”

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Weren’t you the one that said his language sounded like someone being drowned and immolated simultaneously?

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Ah.

 **Grape fruit:** the real question here is how is arthur old enough to go to high school at the same time as galahad, who’s 23 years younger than him?

 **Grape fruit:** like, he could be a teacher or something, but they’re only two grades apart?

 **Grape fruit** : that’s his best friend’s kid!

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Yamikage was referred to as meek and nonconfrontational, and you’re seriously trying to apply logic into this?

 **Grape fruit:** why not?

 **knightlight:**  i’m five years older than yamikage so already we’ve got some goddamn timeline problems here

 **knightlight:**  by the time i was going to my first day of school he was just teething

 **knightlight:**  “sorry i can’t come over and play hopscotch promised my best friend i was gonna teach him how to walk today”

 **knightlight:**  jeez we ain’t even gotten to the story yet and it already feels like the equivalent of people takin their babies to daycare and trying to get them to date

 **Grape fruit:** people actually do that?

 **Grape fruit:** ew.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** If the first chapter is this short, here’s to hoping the rest are.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  That’s not necessarily a good thing.

* * *

Yamikage took a deep breath and straightened the tie on his uniform. It was another normal day at the GSA, or the Galaxy Soldier Academy **(Y: I lasted all of ten seconds, someone get me a barf bucket.)**. Here, people would train to become Star Warriors **(M: No. They are chosen at random. The term you’re looking for is Galaxy Warrior)** , and maybe even become great heroes. But he was way too shy to think of himself like that. **(Y: “I’m a total pushover! Isn’t it obvious?”)**

Yamikage watched the older classmen walk into the hallways, filling them up with bodies. **(G: “Oh, oh my God! There’s blood everywhere! They killed everyone!”)** He smiled **(M: That IS how Yamikage reacts to murder.)** as he saw one of them in particular. Jecra, blond-haired, toned face, muscular arms and chest. **(J: Weak ankles, though.)** He was a stunning ray of light in a sea of darkness that was his life at this school.

Yamiakge **(J: START THE NEXT BIT WITH “YAMIKAGE” AGAIN. I TRIPLE DOG DARE YA.)** waved to him, but Jecra didn’t see him. To make matters worse, he felt someone give him an open-palmed smack on the back of his head. **(Y: They also had a granule of salt on their third finger, and the slap reminded him of a good sauvignon blanc.)** Looking behind himself, he saw Meta Knight, his terrible boyfriend, glaring at him.

“Quit looking at him,” Meta Knight barked. **(M: His impression of a dog needed work.)** “He’s not yours.” Yamikage just sighed wistfully and nodded. Meta Knight was right, he thought, how could Jecra ever love a coward like him?

* * *

**knightlight:**  YO

 **knightlight:**  OH MY GOD

 **knightlight:**  this is surreal enough but i was like the biggest twerp until i hit 19

 **Grape fruit:**  twerpy, can confirm.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Full disclosure, Meta Knight. If you slapped me and told me to stop looking at someone, what do you think I’d do?

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  You’d hit me back.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Wrong. I’d stab you.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** No hesitation.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Are you genuinely threatening me over something that an inaccurate fictional depiction of me did?

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Bitch, I might be.

 **Grape fruit:**  guys, the non-mod chat is going wild.

 **Grape fruit:** oh my god, mabel just donated five d-bills with the note “punch yamikage irl please”

 **knightlight:**  she thirsts for blood

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Meta Knight doesn’t even know where I am

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** repiu9p5348q- gperFDGFWQWETR43

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** JKLNMVCF3454

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** META KNIGHT, WHAT THE FUCK.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  I slammed his face into the keyboard.

 **Grape fruit:**  we gathered that.

 **knightlight:**  thirty more d-bills

 **Grape fruit:**  moving on!

* * *

Gym class was the first class of the day and Yamikage was anxious as all get out. **(J: Because being exhausted and sweaty first thing in the morning totally won’t mess with your grades.)** He knew it was going to be dodgeball **(G: Dodgeball? You’re in high school, not primary school!)** , and he knew that he was going to be targeted, especially if Meta Knight was on the opposing team. **(Y: BECAUSE MK IS A MEANIE.)** He shook as he changed into his gym clothes and got ready. When he exited, everyone was standing in two separate groups, and Garlude pulled him in by the hand into hers. **(M: That sentence looks so clunky, it needs some nails to hold it together.)**

“Common, Yamikage!” **(Y: Is she insulting him?) (J: I think she meant to put “come on” and mistyped, but that is infinitely funnier.)** she squeaked with a hiccup. “This is the best way to pond out a hangover!” **(G: “By the way, have you seen my U?** **I can’t tell if that’s a typo or the way the author writes my quirky drunkenness.”)**

Enemee, the coach, proceeded to quarter them up into four separates **(M: Cuts of meat, which he made into a stew.)** team, grinning evilly **(Y: “FIGHT FOR MY AMUSEMENT, YOUTHS!”).** Yamikage froze when he saw that Jecra was on his team, and that Meta Knight was not. **(Y: Oh, wow. What a twist.)** Jecra smiled happily at him and waved as Yamikage blushed in loving amazement. **(G: What, amazed by how friendly he is? That’s a pretty low bar.)** Enemee blew his whistle and the game started.

Meta Knight immediately tried to beat Yamikage out of the game. He threw dozens and dozens of balls at him **(Y: “Where the hell are you getting all of these balls from? The school only has enough budget for 9!”)** , but Yamikage’s tiny frame and agility were able to get away from him in time. Meta Knight glared daggers with a look of fury **(M: As opposed to happily glaring daggers?)**. However, before he could attempt to hit again, Jecra tossed a ball into his face and he fell over with a girly scream.

“Got your back, partner!” Jecra cheered. “That was pretty cool, huh?”

“Y-yeah,” Yamikage stuttered while gulping. **(J: He then choked on his own spit.)** “Pretty cool.”

* * *

**xxMetaKnightxx:**  Oh, look. An intentionally funny moment. That’s rare.

 **knightlight:** no man it couldn’t have been a happy moment

 **knightlight:**  when meta knight got hit it didn’t cure cancer

 **Grape fruit:**  i’m sorry, i’m still stuck on nightmare being a physical education coach.

 **knightlight:** what

 **knightlight:**  OH

 **knightlight:**  OH MY GOD HOW DID I MISS THAT

 **knightlight:**  THAT IS HYSTERICAL

 **Grape fruit:**  “okay, class! little timmy looked at me sideways this morning, so today we’re going to brutally murder his entire family.”

 **Grape fruit:**  “but teacher, what does that have to do with sports?”

 **Grape fruit:**  “oh, damn. you’re right. let’s kill them with basketballs and javelins!”

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Awfully sardonic about the man that basically owned you and offed millions, aren’t you?

 **knightlight:**  she’s coping

 **Grape fruit:**  i’m coping.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:** Tiff just said “interesting how cavalier jack and yamikage haven’t mocked the idea of two men in a relationship or even being in a relationship themselves and instead are focusing on the terrible writing and characterization”

 **xxMetaKnightxx:** And then a little emoticon of a Waddle Dee thinking.

 **knightlight:**  what’s so weird about two guys kissing

 **Grape fruit:**  cappy town is a little behind the times in some respects.

 **knightlight:**  oh my god don’t even get me started dedede thinks the wind blows away his wifi

 **knightlight:**  the wind

 **Grape fruit:**  but anyway, I think you two could potentially work it out in real life.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** I’d eat him alive in a relationship.

 **knightlight:**  wanna tone down the edge pal

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** I’d fucking cannibalize you, Jack.

 **knightlight:**  we’d last a week at least before we call it off and decided to just be friends again

 **Grape fruit:**  i’d give you an hour.

 **knightlight:**  ok yeah probably

* * *

“ARTHUR PENDRAGON, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” screamed Garlude into her cellphone. “YOU WERE CHEATIGN ON ME WITH THAT GINGER FLOOZY. **(J: I always thought Guinevere was more of a brunette.)** I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU, NEVER!” **(Y: This meltdown brought to you by the letter F.)** She hung up and threw herself on the futon, sobbing loudly. **(G: AM WOMAN. THIS HOW WOMAN ACT. GRR.)** Yamikage stroked her hair and kissed her head.

“There, there! You’ll be right, Garlude!” **(J: Yes, but will she alright?)** Yamikage thought about how unfaithful Arthur had been to Garlude. Even though he’d just now found out About it, there was nothing more that he wanted to do than to make him pay. **(Y: The following day, Arthur’s mangled corpse was discovered in the school dumpster.)** They decided to go get milkshakes because there were no classes today. **(G: Ow! Whiplash!)**

At the ice cream shop, Yamikage could see that Jecra and Galahad were also there, the smaller pink puff messing around with a tiny robot. **(M: You’ve actually watched him before, haven’t you?) (J: If he starts scribbling all over my face with a marker, it’ll be uncanny.)** Yamikage gasped and tried to hide his blushing face behind his jacket as he and her went to a table. In doing this, he didn’t notice that Galahad had gotten up to refill his soda, and they two slammed into each other. Galahad dropped what he was holding, and Yamikage aggressively began apologizing. **(G: I’M SORRY, YOU WORTHLESS SLIME. ACCEPT MY APOLOGY OR PERISH.)**

“Hey, no fighting, no fighting.” **(J: Never really knew that she could dance like this! She makes a man wanna speak Spanish!)  (M: ¡Baila en la calle de noche, Baila en la calle de día!)** Galahad said. His hand reached out to pick up the robotic object he had accidentally dropped, and Garlude reached down to get it too, their hands touching in the middle. **(G: You know, you can always cut up a sentence. Don’t act like you haven’t done it before.)**

They looked up and their eyes met. Garlude giggled and Galahad gave a sheepish grin. Within minutes, the four of them were talking alike they had been friends for years **(M: Because actually explaining and showing them getting along is apparently too hard, and vagueness is superior.)** , maybe even their whole entire lives. **(G: “All of my friends are here! And Galahad is here, too!”)** Garlude and Galahad were really hitting it off, all of her dirty jokes flying over his head while Jecra and Yamikage tried to hold it in. **(J: Garlude didn’t even know what a tit was until we explained it to her.) (M: We needed to use diagrams.)**

Little did any of them know that they were all being watched. Meta Knight was across the street, watching them through a window in anger. **(Y: Oh, shit. He has super-vision now.)** He had a revenge plan of his own all lined up and was waiting until later to put it into action. **(G: But first, a nap.)**

* * *

**knightlight:**  my eyes started bleeding from the first sentence alone

 **Grape fruit:**  i don’t know what you’re talking about. this is exactly what women talk like.

 **knightlight:**  this story was not written by a person it was written by a computer who was fed terrible character archetypes and a high school syllabus and cocaine and sadness

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  I’ve been wondering this since the previous chapter. Why even make this setting a high school? If this were a college or university, you would fix at least half the problems in this story.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  The other half, however.

 **knightlight:**  throw away the whole story

 **Grape fruit:**  but meta knight! she won’t be a scandalous and edgy party girl if she’s a fully legal adult with a drinking problem!

 **knightlight:**  that’s twenty d-bills from samo

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  I don’t know if I feel comfortable now referring to these characterizations with our own names. Maybe we should try renaming them or something?

 **knightlight:**  wait you were okay with being a wifebeater but not with garlude being kinda ditzy

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Bitchikage.

 **knightlight:**  no yami

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Yamikoward. There. Family fucking friendly.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Meta Not. That’s clever, isn’t it?

 **knightlight:**  and since mine’s the coolest mine stays

 **Grape fruit:**  screw it, I’m just going to call not-me “purple”, everyone okay with that?

 _Grape fruit asked: “_ _has anybody actually been to a boarding school instead of a public high school? is this an accurate depiction of that?”_

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** If the senior citizens of Cappy Town are actually here, I’m fairly positive showing them this constitutes as elder abuse.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** You sick bastards.

 **Grape fruit:**  okay, lady like said “I went to an all-girls finishing school. None of the girls drank, but the teachers did, and they drank A LOT. One of them got fired for attempting to teach a class visibly hungover. There’s not much to say on the drama front, it was just basic gossip and none of it escalated outside of name-calling and rumors. Although, there was once a pregnant stray cat that snuck into the dean’s office overnight and gave birth on her desk.”

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  That’s just divine intervention.

 **Grape fruit:**  mayor len said “Mine was actually the opposite! My private school was so strict, someone got suspended for tossing a pencil to someone else!!”

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Motion to move the Galaxy Soldier Academy to wherever the hell he went, all in favor, say ‘aye’.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Aye!

 **Grape fruit:**  aye.

 **knightlight:**  aye

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  And that’s two-hundred and fifty D-Bills from the mayor.

* * *

One week later, Galahad and Garlude were making out in Yamikage’s dormitory while he studied. **(M: Well, can’t say we weren’t warned.)** When Yamikage cleared his throat, she dragged Galahad up by the wrists to her bedroom. **(G: Where they talked about their feelings.) (J: And they played baccarat.) (M: And studied.) (Y: Save room for Nova.)** Yamikage chuckled and shook his head as reclined on the futon, enjoying the quiet night in his dormitory. It wasn’t meant to last, though, because he suddenly had his arms strongly grabbed and pulled behind him, shoving them through the bars of the couch’s back frame. **(G: Even more whiplash!)**

Yamikage tried to yell for help, but sticky duct tape was shoved over his mouth by the mystery attacker. **(J: Is it a mystery? Is it really?)** The attacker circled in front, and Yamikage could see it was non-other than Meta Knight. The man pulled out a switchblade and activated it **(G: “WANT ME TO CUT YOU A SLICE OF CAKE, YAMIKAGE?”)** , while Yamikage shook his head and silently pleaded for him not to do it. Meta Knight stayed silent as he carved the ward “TRAITOR” into Yamikage’s chest, while the other man screamed in agony behind the tape. **(Y: Coming from a professional interrogator, this shit is just gratuitous and fucking nasty. Shame on you.)**

“This should teach you not to fuck with me,” Meta Knight finally said when he was finished. “Consider us through, bitch.” **(J: I’m using curse words! I’m a big boy!)**

Yamikage nodded and cried **(Y: BECAUSE HE’S A PUSHOVER, GET IT?)** , and Meta Knight left the room. His body hurt way too much for him to move or get help, so he just sat there. **(Y: Like a slug.)** After 2 hours, he heard footsteps coming downstairs, and a woman’s voice. He shouted to get Garlude’s attention as she walked down the stairs. “MMF!” **(M: What riveting dialogue.)**

“Oh, may gawd! Yami!” She picked up her phone and called 911.

* * *

**Grape fruit:**  and if you look to your left, you will see a perfect depiction of how to ruin any form of tension or drama with four words!

 **Grape fruit:**  a single tear.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Hold on, let me get this straight.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** You had duct tape which you used to glue his mouth shut, but you shoved his hands through the chair’s skeleton instead of using it to strap him down?

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** If his wrists were slender enough to get in, then he could slip out just as easily and kick your ass.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Use both. He’d squirm around less when you brought the knife down, and you’d get a cleaner cut.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Why are you giving the chat tips on kidnapping and torturing you?

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** So that they can save me from this bullshit.

 **knightlight:** ow the edge

 **knightlight:** not you this time yami but that chapter

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:**  I think somebody watched a horror movie when their daddy wasn’t home and tried to ham-fist it into their vision.

 **Grape fruit:**  girls, girls, you’re both edgy.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Imagine someone getting plowed so loudly that they couldn’t hear someone being tortured to near-death.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  That sounds like a fetish you’d have.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** If I wasn’t on parole, you’d be fucking dead right now.

 **knightlight:**  were it not for the laws of this land he would have slaughtered you

* * *

Yamikage was ashamed of himself as he walked through the halls with Garlude and Galahad. The scars were completely inviable under his uniform, but the hurt lingered **(G: God, I’m so uncomfortable right now.) (M: It’s like they’re trying to make survivor’s guilt sexy.)**. He wanted to tell someone about this, but he was worried they would call him a liar and say it was a tattoo. **(J: A TATTOO? You’d need to be bribed by the abuser themselves to call blatantly carved skin a tattoo!)** But then, he heard loud noises coming from the men’s locker room.

“LISTEN TO ME, YOU UGLY BLUEBERRY BASTARD. IF I SEE YOU SO MUCH AS TOUCH YAMIKAGE’S FUCKING SHOULDER AGAIN, I’LL RIP YOUR JAWBONE OFF.” **(M: What jawbone?)** Jecra was currently beating them up, mad as hell. He then turns to Arthur. “AND YOU. YOU NEVER DESERVED GARLUDE. YOU DON’T DESERVE ANY LOVE FOR HOW YOU BETRAYED THEIR TRUSTS.” **(M: Wait, I thought Garlude was dating Galahad. Will there be a love triangle?) (J: Shh! The fanfiction can hear you!)**

“Way to go, Jecra!” Garlude cheered **(G: Three cheers for violence!)** , but Yamikage and Galahad were shocked. They knew he would get in trouble without a doubt. **(Y: Oh, please. That would constitute logic in this universe.)** And they were right, a few minutes passed and Jecra went to the principal’s office. Yamikage sat, stewing in guilt for the rest of the day. **(Y: The whole day? What were they even doing?) (G: Talking about their feelings.) (J: Playing baccarat.) (M: Studying.)**

Yamikage’s worry only heightened when he was approached by the principal, Kit Cosmos at the end of the school day. But what he said next shocked him. **(Y: Ten Shocking Fanfiction Confessions That You Won’t Believe!)**

“Do not worry, Yamikage!” Kit Cosmos decreed. “Jecra told me what had happened to you, and to Garlude. He has been pardoned, and I’ll make sure that the true culprits are suspendered.” Yamikage felt warm tears of joy run down his face. He was finally free.

* * *

**xxMetaKnightxx:**  Suspendered. Not suspended.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  SUSPENDERED.

 **Grape fruit:**  oh, nova! anything but that!

 **Grape fruit:**  NOT SUSPENDERS!

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** I’m more partial to zippers myself.

 **knightlight:**  okay slow clap

 **knightlight:**  i’m actually super proud of my weird fanfic self for standing up to meta not

 **knightlight:**  is that weird

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** Extremely.

 **Grape fruit:**  no.

 **knightlight:**  jecra da bess

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  I’m just grateful the author didn’t try to make Kit Cosmos an attractive young man as well. Ugh.

 **Grape fruit:**  at least now we know she has standards.

 **Grape Fruit:** low ones.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Better than nothing.

 **knightlight:**  jecra da bess

 **knightlight:**  jecra da bess you ever had

* * *

It had been one whole month since Meta Knight and Arthur had been suspended **(M: From the ceiling and beaten with sticks like piñatas.)** from the school, but Yamikage still felt sick to his stomach. **(Y: I haven’t been a mopey little whiner in so long! I’m losing my edge!)** In fact, he had been feeling this way for quite some time. He was dizzy, nauseous, and ate a lot when he was nervous, and all this seemed to mean one thing. **(G: You’re guilty over getting someone in trouble? Stop the presses.)** Very scared, he grabbed his phone and called Jecra and waited for him to pick up. “I have something to tell you!” he said.

“What? If it was that goon Meta, I swear-!” Jecra started.

“No. It’s worse than that,” his eyes darted to the ground. “I think I might be pregnant.”

* * *

**knightlight:** j’scuse me

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** NO

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** NO

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** NO

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** NO NO NO NOONONOONONONO

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** NO FUCK YOU

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** FUCK ALL OF YOU

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** GET FUCKED

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** I HOPE YOU GET CANCER

 **Grape fruit:**  thanks.

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** FUCK

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** OFF

 **In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be:** THOT

_In the tyrant’s hands, slaves you shall be has left_

**xxMetaKnightxx:**  I rescind my statement on her standards.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Yamikage shares all of my sentiments.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Well, not all of them. The first five are my sentiments.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  He’s locked himself in the closet, by the way.

 **knightlight:**  uh

 **knightlight:**  are we just gonna ignore the fact that yami unironically used the term “thot”

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Yes.

 **Grape fruit:**  yes.

 **knightlight:**  okay then

 **Grape fruit:**  i dunno, guys. this is a charity stream, right? i think we should keep going forward with this.

 **knightlight:**  yeah but like it’s not gonna be the same without yami here

 **knightlight:**  he’s our straight man yknow

 **Grape fruit:**  yamikage’s straight?

 **knightlight:**  uh maybe

 **knightlight:**  didn’t want to assume though

 **xxMetaKnightxx:**  Begone, thot!

 **knightlight:**  holy shit meta knight told a joke

 **knightlight:**  holy shit

 **knightlight:**  and it’s a current meme too

 **Grape fruit:**  you’re finally hip with the kids, meta knight.

 **knightlight:**  only took you 5 minutes man I’m so proud

  **xxMetaKnightxx:** Thank you.

 **xxMetaKnightxx:** Actually, never mind. How do I delete posts? Your son just asked me what the word “thot” means.

 **knightlight:** oh goddammit

 **Grape fruit:**  WELL, THIS STREAM HAS BEEN FUN, GOODBYE.

_Grape fruit has left_

_knightlight has left_

**xxMetaKnightxx:** Please don’t look that up.

_xxMetaKnightxx has left_


End file.
